Traffic: defined as vehicles moving on a road or public highway. The term is actually defined with the word “moving.” Obviously, the dictionary has never driven in Los Angeles

Before you move to Los Angeles, all you hear about is how bad the traffic is. We see skits about it on SNL, jokes about it in movies, and stories that the 405 is a topic in every conversation. I figured that this was all extreme joke, that Angelenos had no idea what traffic was (NY does everything better), and that it was just an excuse for the city to complain. What other excuse did they have to complain: the weather?

I have commuted from Connecticut to NYC and been stuck on the FDR for over 2 hours due to a small accident. I have been stuck on Metro North for hours due to snow. I have been forced to walk across the island of Manhattan due to a Taxi strike. I thought I knew traffic. Los Angeles traffic was laughing at me, hard.

There is something about a city where rush hour starts at 230PM, where your only alternative to being stuck in traffic in your car is to be stuck in traffic in Uber, where taking the freeway actually makes you later - it is called insanity. In NYC there is something called the “green wave.” The traffic lights are timed up the avenues in such a way that if you hit them properly you can drive for miles without hitting a red light, and this happens at any time of day. How does a city as large as Los Angeles seemingly not understand the simple math behind coordinating traffic lights?

According to one study, Angelenos spend over 72 hours annually in traffic, making it the worst commuter city in North America. Most of this traffic congestion lately is due to the ever continuing expansion project of the 405. Although I try to never take the 405, seems to me that it will need to be expanded again and it will remain a continually never ending project.

This is the city that created the terms Carmageddon, the Rampture, and Jamzilla when the 405 was closed on weekends for long stretches to accomplish some necessary work. Despite all the hype around these closures, traffic on these days was actually light - everyone stayed home as they were supposed to! (Carmageddon wasn’t special, just the day to day.)

Because of the congestion, most Angelenos (myself included) don’t leave their little nests of LA territory. I live on the West Side, and I hardly ever drive East of the 405. I went to a meeting in Los Feliz, and I had no idea where I was going or what neighborhoods I was passing through. I once went to Pasadena for the famed Flea Market, and I expected the town to be in the next state considering how long the guide books told me it would take to get there. But Pasadena is literally only 27 miles away! Just the next “suburb.” I commute to UCLA in the evenings, a mere 7 miles, and it has take me over 90 minutes on occasion. Los Angeles itself is a mere 469 square miles!!!

I am one of those people who get anxious when running late. I have had to learn to change my commuting rule - in NYC you can get anywhere in under 40 minutes. In LA, make that 90 minutes. I have learned to love NPR, satellite radio, and books on tape. I have learned that it is ok to laugh out loud hysterically to Comedy Central because despite the fact that I may look like a freak to the other drivers, I’d be crying if I actually thought about being stuck in traffic

I have always leased my cars, and in NYC, 15,000 miles per year would just about cover it. I ended up taking the subway a lot toward the end of my lease, so as not to have to pay for the extras. In LA, I laughed when the dealer suggested that I would be fine at only 10,000 annually. Amazingly, despite the nightmare that is LA, Angelenos actually only drive on average 23 miles per resident per day. Hardly ranking LA in the top 20 of US cities for commuting.

The residents of LA get a lot of stereotypes. One of them is the love of their cars. I don’t think this is unwarranted. Los Angeles neighborhoods can now be defined by counting Range Rovers, Priuses (or is that Pria?), Mini Coopers and Teslas. Despite the sprawling city, the over abundance of cars, can we please design a parking spot the size of an actual car?

If you come to LA, take to the streets. Just know that if you walk, you will probably be the only one on the sidewalk, and if you drive, you’ll have good company. You’ll want to stock your car and get comfy!